Feminity and Friendships

Lately I have been trying to find my femininity. No, I have never lacked it but lately I've also been working in a kitchen where a woman's femininity is crushed, burned then stabbed with a knife. To say the least, or better yet, to quote Rattatouille:

Linguini: Listen, I just want you to know how honored I am to be studying under such a -...
Colette: [pins Linguini's sleeve with a knife] No, you listen! I just want you to know exactly who you are dealing with! How many women do you see in this kitchen?
Linguini: Well, I uh -...
Colette: [pins Linguini's sleeve with another knife] Only me. Why do you think that is? Because high cuisine is an antiquated hierarchy built upon rules written by stupid, old men. Rules designed to make it impossible for women to enter this world, but still I'm here. How did this happen?
Linguini: Well because you, because you -...
Colette: [pins Linguini's sleeve with a third knife] Because I am the toughest cook in this kitchen! I have worked too hard for too long to get here, and I am not going to jeopardize it for some garbage boy who got lucky! Got it?
Linguini: Wow!

Yeah, it goes something like that.

I am starting to find it harder to share my emotions or to feel vulnerable, I guess the latter is a good thing. Yet, I am a young woman and as a young woman I do want what other young women or girls want. Illusions. Illusions of love, illusions of truly finding someone. Yet, on the other hand, I did call them illusions, because even before working in a kitchen I found thinking logically or factually gave my world comfort and structure. I like structure it's nice. Yet, many people think this is the very contradictory of my belief in God. I think not. I believe God loves structure and reasoning. Everything he created has so much perfection and structure. The little understanding I have of science has expanded my belief in the almighty. I see science as the creations God has allowed his children to 'discover.' I am a big believer in miracles and I truly believe that God can do anything. I don't have the same faith in humans, but I do have faith in God. I find it truly comforting that no matter where I move to, I recognize him. Whether it be at the new church I'm attending or while shopping for groceries. I recognize him. I know he is there with me, and yes this might be a little selfish of me, but really what human isn't. He is my dearest friend. The one that fills those lonely moments. He is my father, the one that makes me feel protected when I am home alone. It is for these reasons that the world might see me as fearless sometimes. It is not my lack of fear but my faith in God.

I don't know if everything I write is always right, but I do know this is how I see the world.

A friend recently posted a note on facebook concerning friendships. It doesn't really matter what he wrote, what matters that it got me to think. About friendships in general. About intimacy and our role in peoples lives. As I stated above I do have some illusions of intimacy. Though friendships for me right now are most important. The other I see somewhere far in the future currently out of my reach, which I guess has made me an unusually patient young female. It has made me not analyze every friendship I have with the opposite sex as a possible future candidate. Which trust me every female does and yes, even I used to do it at one point, which is why I can talk so frankly about it. It has given me inner peace. I know the Lord's hand is in this. For the moment I want to share my opinions and faith with others. Form friendships that will stay with me forever. I know these friendships will not satiate my wanting for intimacy but neither am expecting them to. The only fulfillment of intimacy we can ever achieve is through God. That is my honest belief.

This post didn't necessarily have a fixed topic or even a point. It was just a way or means if you will, to let you in my thoughts. What point or use is that? I don't know. A way for me to open up.

The New Wave of Office Parties

So this office party that I had been looking forward to all week turned out to be a bust. I mean the food was great, the caterers did a great job. I am referring to the constant banter of my co-workers this past few weeks of how they were practicing their dance moves for the party today. Yes, it was lacking spirit and fun. The one co-worker in which I counted on to make it fun and exciting and just plain crazy ended up sitting in his chair for most of the night. What kind of party animal did you say you were? haha. As the picture shows above, there is more action in this picture than there was in the dance floor tonight. Yes a children's nap time would have been a much better use of our time and effort . Throughout the night more people did get up and danced but it was still a pretty pathetic and lame effort. I honestly expected a little more crazy from my co-workers. Oh the disillusion.
Next time. Hopefully. I did end up going by myself to this party and am sort of glad for this. For I would not have wanted to inflict this humiliation and plain disappointment on another person. My co-workers have more energy and put forth more effort in a normal work day. I guess for all intended purposes this is a good thing. :D

Taking all Humor Aside.

For all of you who have been keeping up with my short to almost non-existing blog know that I did in fact embark on an externship in the North Lake Tahoe Area a little over 3 months ago.

I am now proud to call myself a permanent resident of the greater Tahoe area! This week is my first paycheck (which please is the most exciting part of getting a job). Although for this week anything that I don't spend on personal responsibilities ex: rent, bills....etc. etc. will go to buying a present for my little sisters birthday. Which is already past and I still have not decided on the present just quite yet. I am a horrible human being. HA!

I have been attending a new church here for the greater part of these past months. Although I can still not accurately state that I have made friends here, I have met some great people at church I can see being friends with in the future. Yes, ladies and gentlemen this is what you call hope for the lonely and pathetic. :D I do get a long grand with my colleagues though but I would like to have friends with a like mind in Christ to spend time with. This is the danger of moving so often, the lonely moments. Though, in the end it's always worth it for the life changing events. The new places you get to explore and the people that will impact and move your heart in ways that were not possible from your little enclosed corner of the world. I just hate having to do all the small talk and gradually growing into a comfortable spot with people. Just get to the point. Hey we should hang out.?!? no? haha. I have known this throws people a little off when you jump into the "lets be friends" phase right away. What can I say, I'm a little too direct at points. Wait, ME direct? never. So to say the least, I miss all my friends! Please, please come visit me.

I do have the staff party for tomorrow to look forward to. Oh the little things that make my month now. Hanging out with people I practically live with and eating free food, all while wearing the same dress I have had in my closet for the past year. Hey! For the moment these are the things I look forward to. :)

Alternator Failure and Free Food

While my parents where out of the country I was stuck with the enviously task of house sitting. Although for all you seventeen year olds out there I know this is a blessing. I had to ride back to the city in time for my evening shift to begin. I'm rocking out loud to Snoop Dog in that Katy Perry's California Gurls song. I know you do it too. Anyways, my radio starts shifting on and off. Totally messing with my groove. Though I do realize something is wrong with my car and get the next exit. My AC turns off. By now I know my lights are next and concluding with my engine coming to a halting stop. Yes, ladies and gentlemen this has happened to me before. I immediately know it's my alternator failing. Don't worry I was able to get out of the freeway. Though I did receive help from somebody, help which landed me on the side of the freeway this time. BUT. I did get a really cool push from those truck highway guys that work for the sheriff department. I felt I was riding in those electronic cars you get when you are little kid and your dad pushes you around when the battery dies. Yes it was that awesome. I got to work, late but I made it yay!
Talking about work. Today one of the clients left before receiving their dessert when their dessert tray was already made. So who do you ask got this tray? ME! Not such a good thing when you get free food all the time. AND. I did share. And yes there was even chocolate. Then again who does not enjoy the free duck, po-boy and or other delicious dishes for free. Right. Sometimes I just love what I do. :D

Truckee and Veronica Mars.

Not that Veronica Mars has anything to do with the incorporated town of Truckee with a population of only a little under 14 thousand (although I doubt you will ever see these two in the same sentence again). I only wanted to come in here and release my frustration over this show. No ending! Really! I decided to watch a show that apparently a lot of people found appealing, only to realize at the end of the 3 seasons that this show does not have a conclusion ending! Really frustrating. Plus they took off the only likable possible counterpart to our protagonist, or to say my favorite. Enough about Veronica Mars (which is enough is exactly what it's lacking).
So I have made my decision about the earlier post (not that I have not already told some of you, like uhm, a few weeks ago, I am just now making it public knowledge). So I'm moving. Again. Yay! It was not an easy decision to make. I am still going over whether my decision was the right one and how my life will change with this road taken. You know like (yes using very appropriate northern California language with the, YOU KNOWS, and the LIKES) when you think about a moment in your life that changed the course of your life forever. If you had taken a right instead of a left where would you be now. Well this is an intersection in my life right now and I have chosen my path. Now we'll just have to see what the future has stored for me and if in the future I will look back upon this moment and be content or even regret my decision. All I know is that my future is in the Lords hands now and I trust him with it. I'll just be a long for this treacherous ride as I embark the start of my culinary career (how exciting and I say this with the least bit or sarcasm, really). Or maybe I'm just taking this out of context and being over dramatic and making this more than it should be, it is just an internship after all ( I am a woman after all and we have been known in the past to be a little over dramatic at times, Nah, never).

Decisions. Decisions.

Last week I was brought with a decision concerning to my academics. I was given the choice between two chef professors to undergo my time as a student in the Careme 350 ( the school's slightly, may I say now kick-ass restaurant). The choices go as follows: 1. Peppy, encouraging, perfectionist, positive, yet moody Chef (only for the fact that she is a woman and may still be under the influence of our monthly curse) or 2. Cynical, Sarcastic, Dark humored, highly expectant, also younger and slightly attractive Chef. Let's just say I went with the one that will more accurately match my learning style, and have something to feast my eyes on besides the delicious decadents I will be preparing.
Having said that. Let's move on to decision numero dos.
I have externship (known to the rest of the world except my slightly weird, wannabe unique school as an internship) offers in both Napa and the North Lake Tahoe area. The Napa would do wonders for my career, but I liked the atmosphere, people and place in the North Lake Tahoe area. Pretty much i'm in a deep hole. I don't know what to go with. I guess the first question I have to first ultimately answer is. Do I want to sell my soul and body to a career, or gradually climb a ladder like the rest of the population (with happiness) to what seems like an exciting and promising career. Any ideas?